Jezebel Flynn takes on Berlin

This, ladies and gentlemen, is an ugly blog.

In honor of my brand new ugly blog, a few ugly things.

Obesity. Don’t do it.

Unless, of course, you’re looking to be an example for everyone else. In which case, feel free to stay home for the rest of your life.

And on that note:

Hummers: because sometimes you just want to show off your small penis.
Limos: because sometimes you just want to show off your class.
Zebra stripes: because sometimes you’d like to get stalked and eaten by someone in leopard print.

Hummer limos with zebra stripes: because sometimes you have a small penis and no class and you’d really like to show your boss why he should have hired someone else.

ANYONE else.

Also, sometimes your date dresses like this.

Basically, just don’t do it.

Ann Coulter, also.

I just don’t like her. She looks like my 3rd grade math tutor who liked to elaborate about her husband, The Author, who was going to take her to France for retirement. Which, I guess, was why she didn’t feel the need to teach me any math?

Who knows, but that’s a big “Fuck you, Ms. Conroy!” I hope you read this and cry.

Huitlacoche, which I first became aware of because of this.
Maybe it’s actually delicious, but really, if it looks like that, I’m not sure you’re allowed to eat it.

Just don’t do it, okay?

Then, of course, there’s Pamela Anderson without make-up, Wierd Al, the plans for the Chicago Spire, that horrible dog that always pops up on these lists and who I am, after so long, actually sort of fond of, the lead singer of Smash Mouth’s weird little beard (I can’t help it. It’s terrible.), Jenna Jameson a month ago, Madonna’s hands, the Tokyo Tower, the Mona Lisa, the creepy girl on edressme that they use to model almost every dress and her d

ead eyes, horse shit, The Real World is still on but Wonderfalls and Firefly were canceled, and, of course, this blog.

I’ll get on that.

Love,
Jezebel

…okay, here’s Sam: